The Perpetual Story Thread

[RotorHead]

A little weekend fun…..hehe, if your up to it

Ok, I'll start off.

On an obscure blue planet called Earth, there was a computer enthusiast quietly sipping a tasty glass of Jack Daniels. As he surfed the web, and posted in his favorite forums, he found himself nodding off. In the euphoric state of half sleep, he began dreaming about…..

next!

[Jim]

he began dreaming about…..

He found himself in front of the perfect computer. Capable of rendering, producing or experiencing anything he desired with the help of the vritual surround system. A smile began forming on the edge of his lip as he began feeding code into the system and began creating.......

[RotorHead]

he began feeding code into the system and began creating.......

The perfect car! He coded the most futuristic body he could think of, suspension to die for, and an engine that was 100% efficient. But he realized he needed a place to drive the car. So he began thinking of the good times he had with his friends, and the places they would go when he was a young lad……

[Flamer]

but he could not drive the car because Fred The Chicken was blocking the road

[Jim]

Originally posted by samcolt
but he could not drive the car because Fred The Chicken was blocking the road

Suddenly a BSOD came up on screen with the querry:


-----------------Why did the chicken cross the road?-------------------------

[shimmishim]

Originally posted by ProfessorFate
Suddenly a BSOD came up on screen with the querry:


-----------------Why did the chicken cross the road?-------------------------

BSOD!?! STUPID MICROSOFT!!! Why does this always happen?!?! Distracted now by this sudden error, he begins to wonder what happened to the chicken nuggets he ate last night...

...

[pointreyes]

and then he jumped out of his chair because the BSODed computer started to cluck very loudly. And the computer started to shake and a beak was protruding from the middle of the monitor!!! :eek2: :eek2: He went to his keyboard to do the infamous Crtl-Alt-Del but right when he was reaching to touch the keyboard it and the mouse turned into feathers. He stepped back and the feathers were looking like giant flapping chicken wings attached to the cords on his or rather what he thought was his computer.

[baby-rotorhead]

Then he started FREAKING out:wack:! The weird creature started pecking at his oak desk while braking all of his computer parts......
......Then........ His wonderful retarded cat came in and attacked the puterchicken:smash: (computer chicken). while drinking the rest of the man's Jack Daniels...and all that was left of the puterchicken was....

[Jim]

Originally posted by baby-rotorhead
...and all that was left of the puterchicken was....

OMFG!! It's Bill Gates himself in there! Fortunately he brought his check book, whipped it out ,wrote a ck for 8 figures and made it out to..






---->And welcome to BE baby-rotorhead :wave: <---

[pastorjay]

...pastorjay. HE knew that only the Chaplain at BE could be trusted with that much money. :rotflmao:

Pastorjay took the check, went and cashed it, and bought everyone at BE their dream....

[baby-rotorhead]

dream car! wahoo!:D The lonley man that is now drunk, finally got a toyota mr2 spyder, YEA!!!.. but then his retarded cat came and scratched up his new car:mad:. then the puterchicken came back, but this time it was a real live puterchicken.. yes it was crazy and demented and it ate the retarded cat:na: and drove off with every body's dream car. Then..... a little blue smurf came out of the BLUE:look: and stopped the creature and said........

[pointreyes]

and he said, "The Sun is going to explode."

Hehe, inside joke with Mikki. ;) :D

[Jim]

and he said, "The Sun is going to explode."

Depression started to overtake when he remebered Spock's words: "Captain, there are always alternatives."
So frantically he started assembling Mobo, CPU, Graphics, and began building the escape....

[Snafu]

So frantically he started assembling Mobo, CPU, Graphics, and began building the escape....
...Key. With a single stroke he would be master of....

( :hide: hate bringing up old threads but this looked like fun :o )

[83racecrew]

Once he got it all built, he sent an IM "Scotty, I need warp speed now" and in a flash he was off....faster, faster, all the way to the bleedinedge, and then.............

[Snafu]

...blue screen. BSOD. Screaming "P.O.S." he turns and...

[Hawk]

His wife is looking over his shoulder just before the BSOD while he was web surfing on the . . . . . . . . .

[Snafu]

... Swimsuit edition of his favorite www.board-n-circuits.com. Capacitors and resistors all scantedly clad. The one pic that really raised his (&hers) eyebrow was a proc revealing its heat sink. As he stammered...

( :rock: to Hawk for picking up the torch - you da man :rock: )

[83racecrew]

I....I....I....I.....was just reading the articles, really !!! She gave him a disgusted look as she turned and left the room. Whew !! he sighed as he..............

[Hawk]

his wife turned away from the computer and revealed . . . . . . . .

[Snafu]

...LED riddled undies. As he looked closer he noticed that it was blinking letters. F...

[Hawk]

C. . U. . K, that new designer vibrating underwear from . . . .

[83racecrew]

Rotorhead. She gave him a wicked little grin and said follow me to...........

[Snafu]

...flexkill land where you will never...

[RotorHead]

......learn the truth about edible underwear. While pondering that thought, somthing strange started to happen.......

[Hawk]

, the computer screen went dead and with a large bang. . . .

[Snafu]

...from the sledge his wife wielded. Gone was the revealing pic of the proc to be replace by his maniacal wifey poo with a 5lb sledge. In her eyes he could see...

[RotorHead]

......the need to upgrade that crappy 15" CRT with a 30"........

[83racecrew]

Plasma screen TV, complete with matching DVD player for all those........

[Snafu]

...hardware manuals of naked circuits he had just lying around. With those thoughts in his head he quickly reach for his...

[Jim]

...hardware manuals of naked circuits he had just lying around. With those thoughts in his head he quickly reach for his...
Remote control because it was time to watch his San Diego Chargers begin there march to the Super Bowl!! But he opened the fridge and found he was out of..... :cry:

[Hawk]

Beer and Salsa, so watching the game was no longer an option, so he loaded up some Unreal Tournamant and started to . . . . . . .

[Snafu]

...do some fragging with images of "The Pack" opposing his beloved (and no chance in hell) Chargers ( :na: ). BLAM, BLAM, BLAM. Echoing from his new 5.1 system cranked to the max. Just as he was a about to frag another he hears a loud PZZZT. Quickly turning around he sees...

[Hawk]

his entire folding farm . . . . . .

[Snafu]

...mysteriously putting together another rig. The "PZZZT" he heard earlier was from the....

[Hawk]

XBox sitting in the corner with a Game jammed in the DVD Tray, and then he also saw. . . . . .

[Killer Munkey]

the milkman drinking his milk, he tossed the xbox at the milkman then....

[83racecrew]

wanted to know what he was doing there at this hour of the day...he asked the milkman "are you.......

[Snafu]

...my Daddy?" Taken aback the Milkman dropped his load and stammered "W..w..what...

[RotorHead]

........are you saying!! I know the milkman always rings twice but this is crazy. Everyone knows I am Luke's father. maybe you should talk with Jabba.....

[Killer Munkey]

.... the man with the gut who was last seen stealing Hawk's.....

[Hawk]

stash of dirty DVD's and. . . . . .

[Snafu]

...sneakingly changing all his F@H rigs to be under the name of...

[Hawk]

SupermanCK, cause he is going to need all the help he can get. :eek: Just then, on his comuter, someone buzzed his IM and . . . . . .

[Snafu]

...he noticed it was a message from his favorite spammer, going by the name...

[Hawk]

Rock you work, aka, pink high heels sally. She was a dirty. . . .

[Killer Munkey]

Ralph Nader who was trying to sell of his Presidental race buttons he had left over because...

[AceGoober]

Ralph Nader who was trying to sell of his Presidental race buttons he had left over because...

.....he happened to bump into Monika Lewinsky looking for a new job.....

[Hawk]

as a cigar saleswoman working for . . . .

[Snafu]

...Snafu-Nader ;) who upon introduction said my what big....

[83racecrew]

feet you have, I need to introduce you to my friend flexkill, the shoe salesman at........

[tbyte]

Suddenly the mans eye's open to the blinging sound of ICQ chiming and bring him out an awkward dream. Looking at what...was to be the perfect computer was now showing blistering erros from Prime95. "I wounder if I really need to do the voltage mods to get this SOB stable," He said under his breath. Just then the the musical tones of Return of the Jedi ring from the cell phone sitting next to the keyboard. "Hello.......

[Hawk]

Tony, I know you have a modded BIOS for me. . . .

[Snafu]

...You know your latest version. The one that plays the tune from "Welcome Back Carter" when you enter the bios and then...

[Jim]

...You know your latest version. The one that plays the tune from "Welcome Back Carter" when you enter the bios and then...

No wait, it's playing the Welcome back Kotter theme. This can only mean that.....

Link (http://www.barbneal.com/wav/tvthemes/kotter.wav) :na:

[Hawk]

the flux capicator in your desktop machines has. . . . . .

[Snafu]

...time warped and goog ole Jimmy is back :yikes: . Seemed fitting that the bios erroneously played "welcome back Carter". Alas with the time warp your desktop has...

[Killer Munkey]

transformed into a 70s disco ball. Groovin music begins to echo out and the disco ball/computer beings to spin, casting a.........

[Snafu]

..eerie shadow over the masked men who burst in with AK47's. They quickly dispensed with the disco ball and proceeded to...

(come on guys pick up the pace here you are getting a little slow ;) )

[Hawk]

Toss a fragment grenade through the window and it landed in the center of my office and I. . . . .

[Snafu]

...took a quick look in the mirror - you never know when it pays to...

[Hawk]

shave your belly. .. . . . .

[Snafu]

...or your...

[Hawk]

legs, cause it makes you look so sexy in the candle light standing next to . . . . . . .

[Snafu]

....to a mannequin. Comparing your smooth bellies you notice....

[Hawk]

lint in your belly button and also. . . . .

[joeMan]

an extremely small, black wafer-like spec caught up in the lint. Upon moving in for a closer look you suddenly find your self sucked into your own belly button, head first. Upon arriving you discover you've been shrunk to microscopic size and are now standing on a trace-line of a micro chip that seems to extend for several miles in every direction...

[Snafu]

...picking up you compact hooka you pack a load for another round and begin...

[joeMan]

to raise your arm to light up, you realize that the back of your hand - NO, your entire arm is covered in thick brownish-black fur. Dropping the lighter and huka to the silicon floor, you look down to realize you have no clothes on at all. Furthermore, you are in fact completley covered from head to toe in thick brown fur...

[Snafu]

...thank god you dropped your huka. Must have had one too many pulls and in your current state shouldn't have any more. Now what to do with all this fur? Diggint through your brown fuzzies you find...

[Jim]

A zipper and start unzipping the hairy, microscopic suit you're wearing to reveal....

[Snafu]

...that all the hair you shaved off you belly had conveniently...

(WTF? Jim what's up? You're no longer Bold & Yellow??? Don't tell me HTML gremlins at it again :scratch: Dang things :smash: )

[Hawk]

got caught in my CPU fan and now I am extremly ****ed off and I will. . . . . .

[Snafu]

...shut down some F@H servers until the fur can be removed with...

[Snafu]

...a zircon encruster tweezers that were...

[Hawk]

caught in your girlfriends Corn row's after her vacation in . . . . .

[Killer Munkey]

Hobokin New Jersey. A town famous for.......

[Hawk]

crime, corruption and woman who have hairdo's outta the 80's and are . . . . .

[Snafu]

...really men converted in teh back alleys of....

[Hawk]

San Franscisco where the next Americal Idol contest will. . . . . .

[Snafu]

take a twisted turn as they throw the contestants into....

[Killer Munkey]

into a bowl filled with cheetos. The to win one person must .......

[Snafu]

stuff cheetos into the other contestant's pie hole and...

[Rukee]

then eat them coming out the other end. This excited the...

[Snafu]

sickos in the crowd so Fox decided to pick-up the show to be aired...

[FireDancer]

to be aired weekly live from flexkills penthouse apartment high atop of the hollywood hills.. and the star of the show is.... :yikes:

[Hawk]

Anna Nicole Smith, with a bottle of Trim-Spa and her pocket full of. . . . .

[flexkill]

Zoloft, that she eats like....

[Hawk]

viagra at an old age home for men. Her hair seems to have. . .

[Snafu]

gained the colour of blue due to popping too many viagara pills and not realising they are for...

[flexkill]

her small penis. what will she do with...

[Hawk]

it, no will ever know becuase she carries it . . . . .

[Snafu]

in her purse along side of...

[RotorHead]

her snub nose pearl handled 38.

[Rukee]

So, she`s walking along and gets robbed, when she reaches in the purse and pulls out....

[FireDancer]

a phalic shaped object, not knowing what to do next she....

[Snafu]

dropped the personal "massager" and screamed...

[Snafu]

"Where the hell is everyone?" as she...

[timpanogos]

Well maybe the snub-nose 38 will work in place of the phalic shaped object to ...

[Snafu]

persaude the neghborhood cat from climbing the fence and peeing on the...

[wocky]

..Flexkill's birthday cake who everyone was about to eat including the computer enthuiast, his wife and girlfriend. Not to mention Fred the chicken who had teamed up with compuchicken to crash Flexkill's penthouse party with Jack Daniels. Scotty was beaming Spock and the Captain in to duel with Luke and Jabba who had put aside their differences for the time being. The San diego Chargers ahd just arrived after winning the superbowl and Hawk, Sally, Ralph and Snafu Nader were passing out plates and Monika Lewinsky was making the call for cake when...

[wocky]

...Anna Nicole Smith produced her pussy to coax the neighbourhood away from the cake. Anna Nicole Smith's cat 'Muffy' was particularly attractive and had a way of seducing Tom Cats like this one. Her Muffy...

[Jim]

...Anna Nicole Smith produced her pussy to coax the neighbourhood away from the cake. Anna Nicole Smith's cat 'Muffy' was particularly attractive and had a way of seducing Tom Cats like this one. Her Muffy...

Just can't resist...


Her Muffy....was the hairless variety. :rotflmao:

[Hawk]

Her Muffy....was the hairless variety. :rotflmao:



Waxed to perfection with. . . . . :yikes:

[Snafu]

...what else, arctic silver 5 and...

[Jim]

...what else, arctic silver 5 and...
rubbing alcohol, ouch! :yikes:

Poor kitty

[Snafu]

After the application one look obviously shows...

[malinois1]

That the cat has gotten a yeast infection and needs a treatment of......

[Snafu]

...a doctor or a vet. Time for a coin toss. Heads it's...

[Just Learnin']

........smelly like fish so they called in a sushi chef, with no arms.....

[Ugly n Grey]

but excellent false teeth that he used for..........

[Just Learnin']

....cleaning beardless clams....

( You Know like a Quahog: edible shellfish: a thick-shelled edible clam of the North Atlantic coast of the United States.
The shells were formerly used as money by Native North Americans.

Latin name: Mercenaria mercenaria Also called hard-shell clam
Also called round clam.
Someone had to say it! What were you thinking?) :suspect:

[Hawk]

That washed up on the sandy shore of W. Plam Beach. Then to their surpise was a. . . .

[Just Learnin']

fella called joeMan, going through a change of avatar, whilst sipping on a daiquiri and contemplating......

[Ugly n Grey]

how in heck he was going to fit that square peg into that round hole and prove them all wrong.

[joeMan]

...yes! That's it - make the round hole square! No tools required, just concentrate....CONCENTRATE... . . .

[Just Learnin']

Some of the, by now sun baked, beardless, Brazilian waxed clams laughed in delirium at his obvious attempt to perform the Vulcan Mind Meld on the wooden play set. These he quickly dispatched with his newly found trusty red stapler! Others however began to show interest, some placing side bets, was it possible for joeMan to......

[Hyperlite]

....drink four more of those daiquiri's...

[Ugly n Grey]

...made from minced eel heads and fresh tequilla?...

[Just Learnin']

Not a problem! 6 eel head daiquiri's later joeMan was eyeballin' up a squid which had landed on Snafu's front porch during a recent tornado.......

[Jim]

Wow, fortunately tornadoes in Canada are rare, so Snafu simply put the squid on the barbie along with some Rib Eyes. Who's bringing the beer?

[Just Learnin']

Aww hell, seeing as how Glorfy was passing thru on his way to becoming an astronaut, and had some beers with him, Snafu took some more squids from the freezer......... (From an earlier tornado)

[Ugly n Grey]

and began preparing them along with strips of fresh whale blubber...

[5-Clicks]

which turned into oil during his digestive process. he then developed a new viral disease called cyptikphiberopticalmifflopoticamerous that was EXTREMELY contagious....through sight. every person he looked at contracted this new virus and a world wide disaster began to occur. BUT THEN, scientists created anti-viral goggles so that they could study it while still being safe. they found out that symptoms include...

[RotorHead]

Profuse flactulation......being quick to catch on to a novel idea, sodface figured out a way to use the human byproduct of this viral disease for overclocking computers which involved......

[Just Learnin']

........a "rear" mounted cone ducted methane powered super cooler, only drawback being the explosive nature of the .......

[Just Learnin']

newly invented and rightly named "Human Phase Change Continuous Propulsion Renal Cooling Configurator". Which, according to the luck of the draw, either supercooled your beers or sent you...

[Space-Junky]

to a galaxy near you...

[Snafu]

or into space where the vacuum is cooler than...

(forgot all about this thread :lol: )

[Just Learnin']

....the highbeams on a beach volleyball playing young...

[Just Learnin']

...damsel in dis-dress whose moment in the...

[Sir Golitech]

...light become desolate with the sounds of...

[happynow]

very interesting ....

[ol'norton]

people partying in the next room. Awaiting the arrival of the.....

[Tauvo]

...the man with the red dot. He received this red dot from a tornado a long time ago in a...

[Just Learnin']

...firefight in the Congo whilst studying Shakespeare's soliloquy by Polonius "O, I am slain!" on a a fog shrouded boat deck....

[OnYX]

... made of rotten and worm infested wood tiles, but fortunately...

[ol'norton]

the boat had ran aground on the right side of the river, & he as the only survivor was soon surrounded by beautiful native women, who's menfolk had gone off to battle.
He was taken to a hut in a small clearing. The centre support for the hut was a religious idol made from a shiny black cryptocrystalline form of quartz,
with what appeared to be rubys for eyes. He knew it would be worth a few bob back in Johanasburg if only he could....

[Just Learnin']

..pry out the useless eyes and get the silicon quartz to a fab plant, the resulting chips would undoubtedly and inevitably prove so valuable the wealth would enable him to afford enough viagra to continue dwelling among the "beautiful native women"...

[OnYX]

... as well as posting in one of the longest, most exciting, and, undoubtedly, useless threads on his forum of choice - the BE. "Good old VIA gra", he thought, "always works, always there when you need it."

[ol'norton]

Unfortunately, it also works when you don't need it. The native womens, men folk returned unexpectedly from what turned out to be a minor skirmish,
& our hero's intentions stood out a mile. He thinks he got away with it by telling them he.....

[blwest]

was there to explore their "culture" and learn their religious practices. However, the native men saw a large protrusion bulging from his pants and soon realized his true intentions. Quickly and in a quick blink of an eye, he pulls his new Dell XT2 Tablet PC running Linux out and awes them with the power of a cute little penguin...

[Just Learnin']

....which in their culture was synonymous with having rang the dinner bell, how could he have known? They quickly skewered him, roasted him over an open fire and ate him. Inadvertently having ingested a 5 year supply of Viagra, the resulting orgy....

[blwest]

resulted in high birthrates within the African tribe and a addiction to penguins and running Linux. Alas, we finally know what caused the Ubuntu revolution. Meanwhile in Switzerland...